The Disillusion Intrusion

"All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you." Ps 38:9

Every human being has tasted the pain of disillusionment. A dream we hoped for, failed or hasn't happened yet. A relationship ended. An unexpected medical limitation. No one alive has escaped life's stinging reality that drives us to say, "This is not fair".

Although, deep down, we know pain is a part of life, it still comes as a surprise when it hits us. Like cold water splashed on unsuspecting faces, reality jolts us into the rude awakening over and over again.

But...I prayed. I did the right thing. I was so sure, so close, so...forgetful.

When things are going well; smooth sailing, without a cloud in the sky - we become happily distracted and forget the reality that pain is part of life's package. We go through some seasons that are easier than others, for sure. Yet, when things go wrong, we somehow feel cheated, caught off guard and thrown.

Recently, I had such an experience. An unexpected turn of events caused me to feel sad, heavy and at the beginning stages of despair. It was a deep disappointment. Because I have made a practice of quickly turning to God when I'm in pain, I prayed,

"What should I do with this appointment? I mean, disappointment? As I corrected my "mistake" I felt the Holy Spirit's gentle correction telling me I was right the first time.

"What will I do with this appointment?"

If I truly believed God was who says He is, my disappointment really was His appointment. He could have intervened. In His wisdom and sovereignty, He did not. If Jeremiah 29:11is true; that He has a good plan to prosper and not harm me; for my hope and a future, then my disappointing situation was a stepping stone in that plan. I was not forgotten or overlooked. I was not being punished; Jesus already took my deserved wrath on the cross. God was allowing this heartache for a reason. To teach me something. To reveal a truth that will set me free in some way. To draw me closer to Him. To teach me patient endurance.

Whatever the lesson is, I chose to keep His appointment. I did not avoid reality and pretend I wasn't hurting, I just didn't despair. I acknowledged my emotions, but didn't let them take over. I expressed my frustration and sadness and also my gratitude that I could trust Him. I let myself become reacquainted with the One who has known the deepest of sorrow, and understands me. I began to sing a new song, pouring out all pain, which soon turned into a song of praise. The heaviness left. Hope came back.

My situation hasn't changed, but my attitude has. I know I'm not alone and He will work out, even this; for my good, according to Romans 8:28. What will I do with this appointment? I will faithfully keep it. Be present in it, all of it. The dark moments, the pressure, the tears and the assurance that He is good and all He does is good (Ps 119:68), He is faithful (1Cor 1:9) and for me (Ps 56:9).

May God grant you the grace to trust Him even when it hurts, in Jesus, name.

Sound Mind Awareness Veronica Jimenez ©2019 All rights reserved